I have a friend (who shall remain anonymous by request) who is THE ultimate law of attraction skeptic.
Which you would think would make our relationship difficult (considering I am the queen of manifesting and all), but is actually awesome because finding new and different ways to explain things to him makes me a much better teacher.
He recently challenged me with a super legitimate question. As he usually does. (He's a "nonbeliever", but secretly he wants to learn... #muahaha)
In frustration he asked, "Why does God (the universe) never give me what I need when I need it?
Why is it that when I NEED $1,000 to pay the rent next month, that I ask for the money and I don't receive it! Does prayer just not work? I thought God wanted us to be happy.
How come when rich people ask for money they get it no questions asked, but when I ask my prayers go unanswered?"
Obviously, this is a super charged question, but it's perfectly understandable.
To begin tackling this question, I first tried to explain what I wrote about in Why You Never Get What You Want (And What to do About it)...
"Well, part of the problem is, when you need something you just create more neediness. Because the law of attraction responds predominately to your vibration (feeling) and your vibration is neediness, it's just gonna give you more of that, neediness.
Every time you say how you need something you are focusing on how you don't have it.
You say, 'I need $1,000 by the end of the month to make the rent.'
The universe's response is, 'Yes, you need $1,000. Here are some more life experiences that make you feel that you need $1,000.'
Think of it like holding water. Water being your desire. Being needy is like holding water with a tight fist. When you squeeze it it just slips right through your fingertips, leaving you waterless."
It's actually SO annoying. Because when you need something is when you want it to happen the most. F*ck the stupid law of attraction, right?
I continued, "Plus, when you are in a state of neediness you are not in a state of allowing, which is a necessity when it comes to realizing your manifestations in full.
Needing is in fact the exact opposite of allowing! It creates too much resistence inside. Resistence is the enemy when trying to manifest your desires."
Receiving is most peoples problem when it comes to manifesting. They are so good at asking, but not so good at allowing the universe to provide.
My friend agreed (with colorful language) that this was indeed annoying and did not accept this as a good enough answer.
So I went on... (This will be very controversial, but here it goes anyway.)
"God, or the universe (whatever you like to call it), doesn't necessarily look out for you in the sense that it always just gives you what it thinks you need.
Which is not to say that He/She or It doesn't care for our well being, but rather God gave us the gift of free will. The ability to choose for ourselves and not just have It's will bestowed upon us.
Which means we get to choose what we want to experience in this lifetime. Which also means the universe is not just gonna give us stuff that's in it's best interest unless we choose it for ourselves."
We will always have the freedom to choose our vibration and the universe will always respond directly to that. Not our words, our vibration. Words are only used as a tool to get to a desired vibration. This is a very important distinction.
The universe and the law of attraction are always responding directly to our vibration by bringing us things that match how we already feel.
"Right now you think you're choosing abundance by begging for money, but actually your vibration is one of lack. Your thoughts, feelings and emotions are all making you feel that you are poor and so you are experiencing more of feeling poor. Correct?"
He actually agreed with something I said with a simple, "Yes."
...and then interrupted me. "So you can't just not feel poor!"
"Well, actually you can 'not feel poor' if you focus on everything you already do have: like a super sexy wife, two awesome kids, four cars, a beautiful home, a fun job, friends like me (duh)... shall I continue?
Gratitude for what you do have will make you feel abundant, and not poor. Hence changing your vibration to one of abundance. HENCE causing the law of attraction to give you more things that make you feel abundant. (Like.. Oh I don't know. $1,000?!)
But in this case, you can't jump from frustration straight into gratitude. Your resistence has built up too much momentum and the gratitude will feel inauthentic. So a better option is to just find another way to offer a different vibration."
Mockingly- "How do I 'offer a different vibration'?"
"You have to feel different. And by different I mean better.
Basically you just need to stop focusing on the money for a while and start having more fun. The more fun you have, and the more you follow your bliss, the more easily you will access your receptive mode and be open to receiving all the goodies you have asked for.
You have to understand that once you ask it is already given. Now all you have to do is get out of your own way so you can receive it. You don't have to keep thinking about it, unless thinking about it feels good. But since it doesn't right now, stop thinking about it and go have some fun instead. That's your best option."
A common misconception about the law of attraction is that you have to think about it all the time until it happens. That's true, but only if you feel good when you think about it!
If you feel bad when you think about it, you're just building more resistence! You are better off ignoring the thought temporarily, the universe already knows what you want because you've been asking.
"You see, there are three steps to manifesting things. Step one is to ask, which you have been doing for years. Step two is when the universe answers (as it always does) and step three is to allow. That's where you are getting hung up.
You're like a broken record replaying step one, over and over and over. There's nothing for you to do in step two so just move on to step three already!"
As soon as I told him to start having more fun so he could feel good I could literally see some resistence start to leave his body. His shoulders relaxed and he finally let down his guard and took a sigh of relief.
Reluctanly he agreed, "Yeah, that sounds more like it..."#success
"To answer your question about if prayer works or not. It does, and it doesn't.
It does work in the sense that when you ask it is always given. No prayer ever goes unanswered. BUT as you have been experiencing, it doesn't matter that it's given unless you can actually receive it.
When you ask, it is given. BUT, it doesn't matter that it's given unless you can actually receive it.
When you pray over and over and over, there is an underlying hint of disbelief. If you believed that God heard you the first time, and was already working on it, you wouldn't keep begging."
"Right, I wouldn't need to ask again because it would have been answered."
"Yes, but listen. It's not working for you because you are praying from a place of fear and desperation, rather than a place of expectancy and hopefulness.
The reason why prayer does work for a lot of people is because when they pray they are releasing all resistence. They give it to God and trust that He/She/It will take care of it. They know that when they ask it is given. It's already a done deal. No more work needs to be done. And in their lack of resistence they can receive it easily. Surrender = acceptance."
In his new understanding, my friend came to the conclusion that he needs to stop worrying for a while and simply commit to doing more things that make him feel good. That way he can change his vibration and enter a more receptive place.
I'm sure he's not alone. If this conversation sounds like you, take some time follow your bliss. Don't give up on God just because it seems like your prayers have gone unanswered.
Do things that make you happy. Focus on the areas of your life that are going well. As soon as you begin to embrace your joy, everything will fall into place and all your prayers will show up in your reality. I promise.
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