Like so many of us, I was someone who REALLY struggled to love myself.
I would push away certain parts of myself (like my anxiety and my sadness). I would sometimes like (not love) myself conditionally, but only when I had achieved something amazing.
I couldn’t just accept me for me.
I always felt like I needed to be better, have more, or do more in order to deserve my own love.
It took me a WHILE figure out how to just love myself, all of myself, for ME. Not for what I achieved, how I felt, or what others said.
That’s why, in this article, I’m breaking down the EXACT steps and phases I went through to cultivate my self-love and get to where I am today. These are the steps that helped me achieve self-love and will help you to do the same!
This is part of what I teach my 1:1 coaching clients and help women learn at my Radical Self-Love Retreat. I hope it helps!
(Want more self-love guidance? Download Self-Love for the Modern Woman for FREE here!)
Step 1: Be WILLING and set the INTENTION to love yourself
The first thing I did was be willing to love myself more than I ever had before. I had to set the intention and declare to the Universe that I was finally ready and open to see myself in a new light.
This is what really started it all.
Self-Love Action Step:
Literally just tell the Universe (out loud or written down) that you’re ready to love yourself like you’ve never been loved before and then watch what happens in the days and months to follow!
The right mentors, support, resources, and guidance WILL find you because of your intention. Which will really expedite your self-love success! Just because you’re learning how to love yourself, doesn’t mean you have to do it by yourself. :)
“Just because you’re learning how to love yourself, doesn’t mean you have to do it by yourself.” Tweet It!
Step 2: Learn and collect the BEST self-love techniques and practices
Then I began to search for and try out all the different self-love techniques, exercises, and practices I could get my hands on.
This included things like…
self-forgiveness
getting in touch with my inner child
figuring out how I personally give and receive love
learning how to see myself through the eyes of God/Source
self-soothing techniques
writing love letters
meditation practices
self-reflection
channeling
healing my past wounds
actually feeling my feelings (What a concept.)
… you name it, I tried it.
I read all the books. Took all the programs. And did a lot of therapy.
Obviously, some techniques I tried worked better than others. This was NOT a short or easy process by any means. A LOT of trail and error and was involved in this stage because there is a ton of info out there and sadly, a lot of it is pretty lame/ineffective.
Self-Love Action Step:
If you don’t wanna take the time to do all this trial and error I recommend you simply check out my new online course, Radical Self-Love, instead. Because in the course I’m teaching you all the practices I found that work the best so you don’t have to. This will save you a ton of time, confusion, frustration, and money too!
Step 3: Actually DO those practices in daily life
Once I identified all the BEST self-love practices the were actually working for me I practiced the F*CK out of them.
I used every self-hating, self-criticizing moment to practice the techniques I had learned, in real time! Every moment became a new opportunity to practice loving myself more or better than ever before.
And like with any new skill, the constant practice made it eventually easy and natural to love myself more and more, everyday.
Self-Love Action Step:
How you can you put the things you learn into practice in your daily life?
When you’re criticizing yourself, stop. When you’re putting yourself down, lift yourself up instead. Make those decisions that you know are for your highest good. Give yourself the love and affection that your inner child needs.
There are a million ways to love yourself throughout the day. So start noticing the opportunities and then take action!
And if you need help practicing within a safe supportive container, coaching might be the way to go.
Step 4: Enjoy the BENEFITS of your new self-love practices
Nowadays, even though I’m still (and always will be) practicing more self-love, I’m reaping the benefits of my practice and actually feeling the love I have for myself.
Benefits like…
I’m much less hard on myself.
I take way better care of myself.
I can actually see my divine perfection now.
I don’t feel broken anymore. I don’t need to go shopping, eat lots of food, or get love from someone else all the time in order to fill my cup.
ALL of my relationships have improved. Not just the one with myself.
I can support myself through even the toughest times and heaviest emotions.
I feel good about who I am much more of the time. (Not just when I’m achieving something or doing something noteworthy.)
AND, best of all, I just FEEL GOOD. Ya know?
That’s not even everything, but I wanna at least try to keep this concise. As you can see, things are really different for me compared to how they were even just one year ago!
Self-Love Action Step:
Make yourself a top priority and seriously consider investing the time, the energy and the money it takes to up your self-love game. I AM HERE TO HELP YOU.
So if you want that help and support, check out Radical Self-Love or work with me 1:1.
In the course, I’m going to walk you through these 4 phases, and teach you all the exact self-love practices that I’ve found success with throughout my self-love journey so you can do the same.
I hope to see you in there, but either way, I wish you lots of luck and success on your self-love journey.
Never forget the truth: You are worth it and you can do it!
I HAVE A GIFT FOR YOU!
Have a copy of Self-Love for the Modern Woman, for FREE and start loving yourself like never before today.
