Why You Never Get What You Want (and What to Do About It)

Let me begin with an entertaining (and slightly embarrassing) personal story.

Like many Americans, I really wanted to win the 2016 HGTV Dream Home. It's actually quite funny because I feel like most people who enter are middle aged farmers from who-knows-where, but my mom (who always watches HGTV because she's a designer) and convinced me to enter.

So I did. Why not.

Why You Never Get What You Want (and What to Do About It)

At first I was thinking how it would be nice to win a huge house right off the bat, as a young 22 year old and not have to carry a mortgage around forever. The American Dream... (minus all the debt). A real win-win.

But then the more I thought about it, the more I really wanted it.

Not so much to have the house... and the car... and the boat that all came with it (although that wouldn't hurt). But more so to manifest something I had never manifested before. Something so "big" and amazing. (I say "big" because nothing is bigger or smaller, easier or harder to manifest than something else.) Something so many people wanted to win.

I wanted to prove to myself and everyone how amazing I was at manifesting. (No pressure or anything.)

So I got to work. Daydreaming about what it would be like to live in such a big, beautiful house...

I thought about how I might actually take the time to learn how to cook in the huge, state-of-the-art kitchen. Or how I would use it as a vacation home and make tons of money renting it out when I was gone. How I already wanted to swap out the car for something smaller and faster. How it would feel to cozy up in the entertainment room and read a good book or take a fast boat ride straight out of the backyard. Everything.

I imagined it all, perfectly and in great detail. I really captured the feeling as if the wish was already fulfilled.

So when it came time for the winner to be announced I checked online to take note of the dates and times that HGTV might show up at my house or work to surprise me. After all, I had to be ready to win. 

(Clearly, I was serious about this.)

So, some time passes...

No camera men at my door. No phone calls. No emails.

Just me- waiting.

Then the big reveal happened.

And you guessed it... It wasn't me.

Freakin' "David Rennie of Shelton, Connecticut" won. Typical.

What the fuck right? 

I thought I did everything perfectly, but in hind sight one important detail (that I'm sure you can relate to) was off and holding me back.

I wanted it too badly.

The Lesson

In order to see your manifestations come to life you have to be a vibrational match to them. And neediness is never a vibrational match to having anything. Because if you had it you wouldn't need it. #duh

Neediness just attracts more neediness. And lack attracts more lack. 

In my example, I wanted to win so freaking badly that I was keeping myself out of alignment with allowing it happen. 

As twisted and unfair as it may seem, need and fulfillment are opposite vibrations. Therefore if you need it, you can't get it. When you want something you are not in the vibrational place of allowing it to come. In other words, you can't want something desperately and allow it to happen at the same time.

Sucks right?

But it makes sense because when you want something so much you are thinking about the absence of it more than the presence of it! Therefore keeping it absent.

I'm sure you've experienced this before.

So what's a person to do?

Well, there are a couple of different approaches that can help.


1. Lose Attatchment

The first is so simple it hurts. Become less attached to the outcome.

Stop taking life so seriously and start treating it like the game that it is!

Life is not some big thing that we have to get "right". There is no right way to live.

It's really just meant to be a fun experience for all of us. An opportunity for us to play with our own power and awesomeness. To feel all types of joy, fun, love, happiness (and their opposites so we can recognize them when they happen). 

It's really not that serious people! We just make it that way.

Dare I say it: Life is actually supposed to be fun. It's supposed to be happy. It's supposed to be awesome in every sense of the word.

Stop treating it like some sentence. You're not being punished for a past life and you definitely don't need to "discover" who you really are or "catch up" to any predisposed purpose.

All there is to do is create a life you love. It's yours to design.


All there is to do is create a life you love.

It's yours to design.

Tweet It


Here's how this applies to manifesting what you want.

Start thinking of manifestation more as a game and less as a means to an end. (Not like the win or lose type of game, but like the game you play just to play, because it's fun.)

Instead of taking it so seriously, say things like this when you want to create something...


"I'm really looking forward to... (seeing this manifestation unfold)." Tweet it

"Wouldn't it be nice if... (this amazing thing happened)." Tweet it

"Wont it be nice when... (I realize this manifestation)." Tweet It

"What if... (this awesome thing happened)." Tweet it


Feel how much lighter that is? Try it right now by filling in the blank on twitter. #manifestationaltweets

There is so much less resistence in statements like this. And less resistence means more allowing. And more allowing is the key to it all!

It works really well because it takes the pressure out of creating. This is why it is usually easier to manifest seemingly small stuff that you don't care too much about.

For example, my boyfriend (same boyfriend from How to Stop Manifesting Unwanted Things) and I were at Disneyland waiting in the long ass line to get on Space Mountain. I was already happy just to be at Disney because it's one of my favorite places, but no harm in finding room for improvement.

So I turned to Gabe, "You know what would make this moment even better?" (aka "Wouldn't it be nice if...")


"If we had some headphones so we could listen to Abraham Hicks (one of my favorite Law of Attraction teachers) while we wait in line. :)"

I kid you not, two seconds later he tried to sit down only to find something pokey in his pocket. He reached in a pulled out a pair of red headphones. 

"What the heck!? Why do I still have these in my pocket? These have been here since last summer. I think I got them on a bus tour on our trip to Paris..."

He looked at me in bewilderment and I just smiled back at him with pure delight.

Now the only question was if they still worked (since they had to have been washed about a hundred times since last summer) and low and behold, they did! 

His expression was priceless. "...You're a witch."

"I know."

See what happens when you light heartedly make suggestions to the universe? #headphones #gabeisabeliever


2. Find the General Emotion

The second is to generalize until you feel better.

If you get to the basic emotional reason of why you want something it helps, a lot.

The easiest way to do this is with my super badass Manifesting Cheat Sheet. It will walk you through the manifesting process step-by-step. Oh, did I mention it's free?


Ready to finally get what you want?


The reason you want anything in life is because of the way you think it will make you feel when you have it. Correct? 

So, question yourself: 

"Why do I really want this? What feeling am I looking for?"

Once you find the answer (the desired emotion) you can look at your life and see where you are already experiencing that feeling to some degree.

Then put your emphasis on where you already experience the desired emotion in your life. You can really capture the vibrational essence of what you want. And once you do that long enough, the universe will fill in the gaps to make your manifestation happen.

Use this formula:

I want "X" (insert desire here) because it will make me feel "Y" (insert emotion here).

Maybe your "X" is a pool and your "Y" is relaxation. You want a pool because it will make you feel relaxed.

In order to manifest said pool (X) look at your current life situation and see when you already feel relaxed (Y) and then focus on and do more of that (Y) to practice that feeling/vibration (Y).

You realize that you feel most relaxed when you're at the spa, when you read, when you meditate, and when you go for walks. So milk that for everything it's worth! Go on walks all the time, read your favorite books and treat yourself to spa days.

Feel relaxed as much of the time as possible until you have practiced it so much that it becomes your dominate vibration and state of being. Once you achieve that level of relation (Y) your pool (X) will show up because you will be a perfect vibrational match to it.

This approach helps soften resistence because instead of coming from a place of "I want this because I need it" you can come from a place of "I want this because it will make me feel more of this emotion that I enjoy feeling". It feels better. And feeling better always gets you closer to what you want.


So next time you really need that thing. You're better off either detaching yourself from the outcome or focusing on the general emotion of what you're going for. Save yourself the trauma of a lost manifestation and just have fun with it! 


Ready to finally get what you want?